Guard Folding

who tells military spouse that their spouse is dead when delivering folded flag?

I'm writing a short story that deals with a woman finding out her husband was killed in war. I'd like to be as accurate as I can so I'm wondering, when the people come to the front door to deliver the U.S. flag to the widow, who is the group of people? The guy who led the deceased's team in the war? A really high-ranking official? I don't know military ranks AT ALL so I'm wondering if anybody knows - are there certain people who are supposed to deliver flag?
So would she be sent a letter or get a phone call to notify her of the news?
I've seen several movies where there is a dramatic scene.. a wife is just doing normal things at her house when she looks out the window and sees a couple of men in military uniform coming up to her door with a triangular-folded flag in one of their hands, and she instantly knows that means her husband has been killed.
Is that just Hollywood, it doesn't work like that?

First, when the spouse/NOK is alerted that the service member been killed they don’t deliver a flag. They are usually notified within 48 hours of the service member’s death and there is no flag involved. They are given the notification and then there is usually a support system/bereavement team provided for assistance and further help.

You must be confused when they are burying him and the honor guard folds the flag draped over the casket and gives it to either the spouse or the parents.

Edit: No, in the mordern era they are alerted in person if all possible. The military has very strict procedures concerning the notification of death. Bases in Iraq and Afghanistan even shut down communications so the men/women on base can't get online or call and indirectly let family or friends know that their comrade has fallen. And yes, most times when a spouse or family member is notified of death they are doing normal day to day routines. When my friend was killed in Afghanistan, the chaplain and another Marine arrived in the middle of his wife bathing their children to tell her.

Movies are not a good source concerning what happens in the military or military families.

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